The Inflated Head of James Potter
by CCGchic4ever-JJ
Summary: Only one word described him: stalker, no I'm not joking the guy just wouldn't leave me alone! Want more details read my memoirs....' Ok this is my first HP fic and it's a LJ one from Lily's point of veiw. Read and review!
1. Chapter 1And So it Begins

**Chapter 1: The Beginning**

Author's Note: Ok ya'll this is my first Harry Potter fic, I decided to make it a comedy/ romance about Lily and James. I really need reviews so I know if I should continue the story. If you have any suggestions, like use more paragraphs or maybe even a little idea for my next chapter then make sure to include that in your review. Believe it or not I love flames, I think it's so funny when people start ranting and raving at me and they don't even know me…no seriously I do! Anyways now you actually get to read the fic, enjoy!

* _Hello, my name is Lily Evans and these are my personal memoirs about the stages of my relationship with one egotistical wizard named James Potter. It all began in my first year at __Hogwarts__School__ of Witchcraft and Wizardry……*_

    I stared at the scarlet steam engine in front of me; it had the large golden letters, _Hogwarts Express gleaming on its side. I took a slow, shaky breath then pushed my trolley over to a large group of boys around my age. "Excuse me, where do I put my things?" I asked one of them whose dark bangs kept falling over his eyes in the most peculiar yet pleasing fashion. The boy opened up his mouth to reply but one of his friends quickly interrupted and answered my question. I glared at him, "I don't remember asking YOU" I growled moodily. His unruly hair black hair blew in the slight breeze at the station and I felt my mouth drop: He. Was. Gorgeous.  He smirked at my face that was obviously set in admiration and I quickly turned my gaping mouth into a scowl. "Thank you" I hissed finally before stomping off with my trolley trailing behind._

  * _That was how it began, the next few months until the Christmas holidays were absolute living Hell. He followed me everywhere I went (getting detention while doing so), passed notes to all my friends asking if they would talk to me about him (which he also got detention for), yet after all these detentions the boy just wouldn't GIVE UP!*_

 "James Potter, 50 points from Gryffindor for doodling obscene pictures of Ms. Evans in my classroom!" Professor McGonagall growled making me blush crimson and accidentally set my teapot to singing 'I'm Too Sexy' Instead of morphing it into a mouse making me blush even harder. James looked at me with a raised eyebrow and started to lip-synch the song while stripping his shirt off as I glared daggers at him and all the other girls started to giggle.

             "James ALFRED Potter!" I spat after class stomping up to him, he blushed at his middle name the regained his composure. "Yes Ms. Teapot" James said wiggling his eyebrows when he said the newly given nickname. I slapped him as hard as I could before stomping off. "You know, you have detention too!" he called after me with a lopsided grin. I growled and banged my head against my books several times before continuing my dramatic exit, hearing a 'oh yeah… she's hot for me' on my way.

             "Did you see Potter's abs during transfiguration?!" I heard a fellow classmate giggle, I rolled my eyes, "I know!!! They were like totally lickalicous!" another girl said. 'What kind of word is that?!' I thought. "Oh look there's the lucky girl…." The first one sighed pointing at me; I whirled around making both of them drop their books in surprise. "You think being followed around by that hair brained twit is LUCKY, you think having a total airhead draw 'obscene' pictures of me is LUCKY!!!" I ranted. One of the girls blinked, finally recovering from the shock of the labeled 'quiet one' screaming at them. "Uh yeah," she answered in a duh-everyone-knows-that tone, I slapped my forehead and walked into the common room.

             "Is everyone in the world complete idiots?!" I yelled slamming my books down on a common room desk as hard as I could. "Not you Lily dearest" I heard an all too familiar voice coo. "Ohhhh no…no…not you AGAIN!!" I groaned backing away from the dark haired devil reincarnate. " 'Tis I, your fair Alfred" he said in a high pitched old English voice, I rolled my eyes. "I thought you hated that name," I muttered sitting down in the chair. "Well since you seem so fond of it I think I'll be called Alfred from now on….maybe you could call me Alfie.." he added, a faraway look in his eyes. I almost gagged in disgust, "the only reason I'm 'fond' of that name is because you HATE it!" I growled. He just grinned foolishly, "I like 'em feisty," he whispered wiggling his eyebrows. This time I did gag in disgust, "you are such a perv!!" I screamed, slapping him on the back of his head with one of my books. I slid out my chair, dodged a hug he was trying to give me and ran up into the girl's dormitory as fast as I could.

End Note: Sorry it was so short but I want to make the next chapter completely devoted to the detention, speaking of which if you want to give me any ideas I have a open mind! Oh yeah, does anyone know Mrs. Weasley's first name? I need to know for further chapters…and I might put a little intermission inbetween this and the next chapter…my friends have already read it and think it's hilarious. I dunno though it might interrupt the 'flow of the story'…..


	2. Chapter 2The Detention

AN: Hello and welcome to the long anticipated (YEAH BIG WORD!!) second chapter of Inflated Head….don't forget to review and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!

            'That little bugger I can't believe him!' I thought venomously as I leafed through the book in my hand. 'I can't concentrate on my homework because of him!' I thought slamming the book shut. I was drifting off into a light slumber when I heard a constant scratching sound outside the girl's dormitory. Groaning grumpily I heaved off the bed and went to open the door. I looked out into the stairwell seeing that the stairs had lowered into a ramp and one knuckle white hand was gripping the hand rail. 

            "Lily…please…help!" a strained voice called below me. I was about to turn around already knowing who the strained voice belonged to but I felt a gentle tug on my robes. "Please!!! I've been here for an hour!" James begged, I raised an eyebrow, "well maybe not an hour but… would ya please help!" I put my hands on my hips, "why should I help you and why were you trying to get up the girl's staircase?" I asked. He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, the ones no girl no matter how much they hated him could resist and pleaded, "It was for your well being Lily dearest, I couldn't have you late for a detention". My eyes widened, I slid down the slide and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "Well, aren't you coming?" I asked to James who reluctantly let his hand unclasp from the railing and skidded down the ramp. "I hate you," he grumbled passing by me, "good" I answered perkily as I skipped off to detention.

             I slipped into Professor McGonagall's room for detention, my eyes widened as a bunch of Slytherin faces looked back at me. "Mudblood" I heard someone cough, I rolled my eyes and strutted up to the professor, "Ah so the terrible twosome has arrived has it?" McGonagall snapped. I fought back the urge to roll my eyes, "he's the one who distracted me!" I protested. "So I distract you now do I?" he murmured in my ear as we sat down, I stomped on his foot as hard as I could. "Not anymore" I whispered back while he rubbed his aching foot.

             "All right, I want a 3 scroll essay, in normal sized hand writing on why you shouldn't cut up during school. There should be three main reasons that you elaborate on in complete sentences, WITH proper grammar! It will be due at the end of your detention. I will be in my office, DO NOT be loud I WILL hear you!" the Professor droned. Everyone groaned and took the magical parchment from her that would not allow any cheating or larger than normal handwriting. James bent over his parchment and muttered a counter charm but gave up when scorch marks began to appear. "You're not doing it right" I hissed to him, "you do it then!" he snapped back, "I don't NEED to cheat" I snarled. He rolled his eyes and started to work on his paper.

            "Thank you Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter, you may leave now" Prof. McGonagall said as we handed in our papers. I was quite surprised that James was actually smart enough to do his paper but kept my mouth shut. We began to walk down the hallway towards the Gryffindor tower in silence. This unfortunately didn't last very long. "So Evans, darling, what do you want to do once we reach the common room" he asked with a wink. I glared at him, "I thought you were mad at me!" I groaned. "I can't stay mad at such a pretty face for long you know", "nothing that good would EVER happen to ME!" I sighed exasperatedly. "What was that?" he asked, "nothing" I muttered he just smiled at me in a daze.

             "What is UP with you?!" I asked suddenly, he blinked, "what is up with me what?", "huh?", "what?", "oh nevermind" I sighed as we reached the portrait hole. "Periwinkle Toes" I snarled to the Fat Lady, "well now, you're a very polite lady!" she hissed at me as she opened to let us inside. "Sweet dreams Evans" he called to me as I stormed up the girls' dormitory stairs. 

AN: waaaaaaaaah this one wasn't as funny as the last chapter…oh dookie. Review anyway ok, ok! I'm gonna put another intermission up after this…maybe do one in-between each chapter…anyways enough of my rambling I'll get started on my intermission now! ^_^ bye, byes!


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